


The More You Know (A Cautionary Tale)

by Ladytalon



Series: The Doctors Light [10]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Humor, Second-Hand Embarrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3806299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Rogues invite the Suicide Squad to the Gallery for a few beers but when Trickster slips Miraclo into Dr. Light's pint glass, all hell breaks loose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The More You Know (A Cautionary Tale)

It's a pretty standard rule that whenever the Rogues get together with the Suicide Squad, Trickster has to slip Miraclo into someone's beer – no one reacts the same way, so it's usually damned entertaining. This time goes far beyond Entertaining, and is swiftly encroaching upon Epic because this time, James has spiked Arthur Light's drink.

There are probably about a million clichés that could apply to this particular situation, Leonard Snart thinks as he takes another mouthful of beer and gazes at the scene before him. He should be feeling guilty right about now because he considers Arthur a good friend, and Kimiyo will be pissed when she finds out about this, but this is just too good to put a stop to.

You really can't tell how someone's going to react to Miraclo, especially if they don't need it in the first place; for whatever reason, a Meta reacts… differently. There's the 'angry drunk', the 'sleep it off' reaction, and in Arthur's case… well, he's currently redefining the term 'batshit insane.' Doctor Light, whose picture can be found right beside the encyclopedic entry concerning discretion, is hanging from the ceiling riding the disco ball as if it’s a bucking bronco. 

Lenny didn’t even know the Gallery _had_ a disco ball.

“How long’s it been?” he asks Boomerang Junior who’s drunk off his ass and clutching a beer in each hand, shouting encouragement in Light’s general direction. 

Owen reluctantly removes his eyes from the main event to check his watch. “Fifteen minutes.”

“HEY, LENNY! I’M A COWBOY,” Arthur announces at the top of his lungs.

Just fifteen? It definitely seems longer. Lenny takes another drink from his beer can. “That shit ain’t right.”

“Are you kidding me? This is _gold_ ,” Trickster laughs, angling his cellphone to take another picture. “I'm sending this to Kimiyo.”

"WHOOO-AAAAAH!"

Heatwave shakes his head, grinning as he bats aside Light’s cape. “He’s still got 45 minutes left. Just upload to Facebook later and we’ll send her a link to the entire album.”

The man finally falls from the ceiling with a final yell of “ _Whoooooo!_ ” and proceeds to Stop, Drop, and Roll on the dirty carpet runner in front of the barstools. When he hits the closest table, Arthur flops onto his back and starts trying to make snow angels…okay, _dirt_ angels. Deadshot lights another joint, sitting down on the floor to watch while Killer Frost steals Light's helmet and starts pouring a bottle of Triple Sec into it. Piper's busily trying to pretend he's not as drunk as he really is, and he gets into an argument with three of Danton Black's duploids.

"We should count ourselves lucky that he's not singing or anything," Weather Wizard says idly. "We doing body shots off Louise, or what?"

Arthur stops in mid-flap and sits up to look at Deadshot. "BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIII-YUR WUUUUURK," he bawls into the other man's face, then leans even closer. "I like your moustache a lot," Arthur whispers loudly.

Floyd exhales the smoke in scattered puffs as he laughs, taking another drag from the handmade cigarette. "Right on, man. Thanks."

On the other end of the bar, Mark and Killer Frost start doing Jello shots – she starts laughing hysterically when Arthur lurches for his helmet and puts it on without emptying the liquor from it first. "IT'S RAINING IN HERE," he booms, pointing up at the ceiling.

Lenny's patience is wearing thin by the 45-minute mark; Arthur has tried to lead them in a show tune sing-along while playing a game of Twister with Multiplex, taken off his clothes at least five times, and he's made out with his left boot. Now he's somehow gotten naked _again_ , and is currently sitting on the edge of the bar wearing only his cape, gloves, and boots. "Goddamn it, Piper! You're s'posed to make sure he keeps his clothes on," Lenny yells. "Artie, get your ass off the bar!"

"It's okay," Arthur yells back, thankfully lowering his voice several decibels from the thunderous roar he's been using for the last half hour. "I'm using a _coaster_."

"I thought he'd just get the munchies or something," Trickster muses, checking his watch. "He's almost tapped out, thank God."

"How long?"

"Ten minutes, then we can… I dunno, hose him off and haul him back to Kim."

Cold squints up at the blond man. "' _We?_ ' Twenty bucks says he rips you limb from limb when he snaps out of it."'

James gives him a shrug. "I thought that beer was for Danton."

Ten minutes later, they're still waiting for Light to come down from his high. Mick drifts over, scratching his cheek as he stares over at the man still spinning himself around on the bar stool. "Are you _sure_ you-"

"Yeah," Trickster says, looking dumbfounded. "It's all measured doses. He should be fine right now."

Arthur slides off his stool, and strikes a pose yelling, "To the Batcave!" before running for the door.

"That look like _fine_ to you?" Lenny snaps. "Somebody go get him!"

Everyone heads for the door except for Mark and Louise, who stay behind to have sex, and Trickster's eyes widen beneath the domino mask. "We have a problem."

Lenny takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm as he sees just what the 'problem' is. "Aw, Jesus." Arthur is teleporting all over the place and it's like they're at Wimbledon or something – their heads whip to the right as he appears atop a street sign, then back to the left when he 'ports inside a trash can and tells them that they can call him Oscar. "Art, get the hell outta there! And for God's sweet sake, put some clothes on!"

His friend hunkers down into the can (which isn't very far, given that he's a pretty big guy) and puts a finger to his lips. "Ssssh! I'm naked!"

Piper and Multiplex renew their argument over their respective blood-alcohol content while Heatwave tries to coax Dr. Light out of the trash. "A little help, Floyd?"

Deadshot waves a hand dismissively at him. "You got it, man. Don't need me," he says, taking a drag from his joint for emphasis. "Maybe them ladies can help you."

Ladies? They all look around in confusion, and Lenny groans as he sees three people coming down the street towards them - most likely tourists, because the locals know to steer clear of the Gallery after business hours. He hurries towards Mick, intending upon blocking them from seeing Arthur crouched amidst wads of chewing gum and old newspapers, and a few glares get the morons moving faster. They hustle on past, but not before Arthur bursts from the rusted cylinder. "I'm a shaaaark! I'm a shaaaaaark! Suck my diiiick, I'm a shaaaaark!" The tourists emit a few startled shrieks, Heatwave slumps against the trash can crying with laughter, and Arthur speeds their terrified visitors on their way with a battle cry of "Yodle-ay-heeee- _hooooooo!_ " as he charges after them, cape flying in the breeze.

"O-oh-ohmigah-ah-ahhd," Mick gasps, clutching at his stomach. "They- and he – I just…ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa….!"

Piper and Trickster have taken off in pursuit of Doctor Light and Deadshot ambles after them lazily, still smoking his joint. Lenny has to haul Mick, who's damn near useless since he's laughing too hard to walk, to the nearest parking garage. Multiplex follows them, rolling his mask up around his eyebrows. "Can't Evan help us find him?"

"For that, we'd have to know where he _is_ ," Lenny grumbles, irritated that Mirror Master's gone AWOL. He aims his gun at the nearest car, an old Chevy Celebrity, and fires at the driver's side window. An elbow to the frozen glass breaks it easier (and more quietly) than throwing a rock through it, and the mess is easily swept off the seat as he gets in. Hotwiring takes less than thirty seconds, and he backs the car out of the parking space before guiding it to the exit. Another blast at the gate, and he drives through the orange-striped arm to pull onto the street. 

They stop in front of the bar where it looks like Killer Frost and Weather Wizard have already done the deed since they're out front looking around. "Get in," Lenny leans over Mick to yell at them, since they don't have time for 'quickie' jokes. "One of you got Light's costume?" They take off in pursuit of their stoned compatriot, Mick filling them in on everything they've missed.

Lenny guns the engine and runs a series of red lights; it looks like _all_ the lights are set on red thanks to Arthur. They drop off a duploid at every block and drive around until Multiplex finally spots him. “Three blocks east, and Baby Boomer’s just run into a wall on Fifth.”

“The hell’s that kid doing way over there?”

“Being half Australian,” Killer Frost suggests, hanging out the window. “Mark, stop touching my ass.”

“It’s right there, in my face! How am I supposed to – _whoa!_ ” This particular exclamation is echoed by everyone else as something heavy lands on the top of the car. _Now_ what? "It's okay, it's just Merlyn," Mark bawls after taking a look. "What's goin' on, man?"

The sleekly coiffed assassin leans down to look into the passenger-side window. "Gentlemen." Louise gives a warning cough, and he amends his greeting. "And lady."

"What're you doing here?" Mick asks curiously. "League business?"

Merlyn waits to answer until Lenny stops the car and they all pile out. "Nothing of the sort, I'm afraid. I heard Light's finally gone around the bend, and wanted to see for myself."

"It ain't pretty," Lenny grunts.

The archer's face grows darker with each account of Arthur's…. activities. "Miraclo, you say?"

"Yep."

"And he's currently in the nude."

"Well, he's got his cape," Heatwave says. "And his boots."

Merlyn raises a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "His helmet? Is he wearing his helmet? How about his gloves?"

"…yeah, I think so. Why?"

The other man just raises his hands in the universal 'back off' gesture and stalks down the street. " _LIGHT! GET OVER HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!_ "

Lenny frowns and scratches the top of his head. "I think it's time to call Kimiyo." She'll probably kill them all – twice – but she's the best bet to getting Artie back in line. He takes a deep breath as he scrolls through his contact list, and dials. 

She picks up on the second ring. " _Hello?_ "

"Uh, Kim? It's Len…. you got a second?"

" _Sure. What's…wait. Arthur's not in trouble, is he? **Where are you?**_ "

"No, no, he's… he's _okay_ , just, uh." He coughs. "Could you maybe come get him?"

Kimiyo's tone hardens, and he's suddenly very, very glad that she's still miles away right now. " _What is going on, Leonard._ "

Aw, man. "It's just… he had a bad reaction to some Miraclo he downed by accident." Silence on the other end. "Okay, it was more of a prank – just a joke, you know, and…"

" _Miraclo._ "

"Miraclo," Lenny confirms.

" _You just interrupted movie night to tell me that Arthur is high on Miraclo_ ," Kimiyo says carefully. " _Is that about right? Is **that** what just happened?_ "

"Um. Yeah?"

" _He is **immune** to Miraclo, you anorak-wearing imbecile! Stop wasting my time_ ," the other Dr. Light roars at him before hanging up.

 

Immune to Miraclo? Immune to Miraclo. _Immune_. 

"What'd she say? Is she coming to get him, or what?" Killer Frost asks.

Lenny just flips his hood up and seizes at the drawstrings, tugging until his knuckles whiten. Up ahead, Arthur has finally come down from wherever the hell he's been, and he's holding his palm out expectantly while a visibly seething Merlyn sorts through a roll of money. "No."

"Whaddaya mean, no?" Multiplex demands. "What's going on? What happened?"

Arthur's finally dressed, and acting like nothing ever happened.

"Doctor Light just trolled the fuck out of us," Lenny grunts. " _That's_ what happened."

Evan shows up, stepping out of the reflective surface of a shop window and grumbling to himself as he forks over some cash. “Can’t believe he actually did it,” he complains as he walks over to Lenny.

Lenny frowns as he looks over at Arthur, then catches Trickster’s eye. “Hey – you still got those pictures you were gonna send to Kim?”

“Yeah; you want me to go ahead?”

Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold. “Forget that. Upload them to the internet instead.”


End file.
